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Monday, October 31, 2011
Today's Chinese exam marked the end of an era of formally learning Chinese. Despite my best efforts to hold on to it for as long as possible, I think I've probably reached the end of the road here, since I doubt Ms Chen would accede to another terrible timetabling request next year.
Strangely enough, counter to the spirit of emotive Chinese pieces, I do not have an emotional piece that ends up in me expressing my fervent ardour for something, or with someone dying. In fact I do not even recall feeling particularly emotional even as I handed up my script-- there was no dramatic farewell music playing in my head; in fact I was trying to remember the lyrics to Born This Way for some reason.
Forcing myself to think of milestones in my Chinese life only threw up a rather stupid incident in Nursery when I first discovered the existence of Chinese and my Chinese name. How long it's been since then!
Ugh, am tired from gym and cannot properly emote. Was accused by someone of having the emotional capacity of a teaspoon today. But oh well, casting off emotions is probably the first step to becoming jock-like. Speaking of which there is a pretty amusing thread on my FB wall filled with incredulous people expressing their surprise at my new-found jockness. (Although I have technically been a jock for like, 11 months now.)
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9:50 PM
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Cat
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Today I tried living life like the RJ cat- sleeping, eating, then going back to sleep, then waking up to eat again, then going back to sleep. Of course I didn't do that the whole day- in the brief interlude between lunch and a nap I went to the doctor, then went to kino, then went to h&m (on a sidenote, bought a pretty coat! My holiday photos will not show me in the same coat twice MUAHAHAHA) and then went to piano. And then I took a nap for whatever was left for the rest of the afternoon. But still, I don't know how the RJ cat does this every day with even less activity- all I've ever seen it do apart from sleeping/getting fed is strut in and out of lectures, and then promptly fall asleep on the stage. At dinner, I was still full from lunch, and now I'm still full from dinner :( I think I'll wake up tomorrow morning still full :( why does the RJ cat eat so much anyway?? There's got to be a limit to its stomach. How does it even survive such a sedentary lifestyle o_o one day of sleep and food and I want to die already. Luckily I'm not a cat haha.
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11:03 PM
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Tuesday, October 25, 2011
K apparently I have been emo enough to alarm people over the past few days. But it seems like the worst is over and it's a load off my chest xD So instead I shall post about some cheery, like the PE TEACHERS' SUICIDE WATCH!
When we got our Promo papers back, we were all holed up in classrooms, just like any other Civics lesson. Except that there were burly PE teachers patrolling the corridors on every single level. Even the Dean of RA was patrolling! He wasn't on our floor though, but like 2 floors below or something.
So some bright soul in our class postulated that the PE teachers were patrolling not because they were kaypoh and wanted to see our marks, but because they were on suicide watch and had to stop any poor soul who took his or her results a little too hard from throwing themselves over the railing.
Haha some people were planning to scare the teachers a bit by walking casually over to the railing, and then ever-so-casually putting one foot onto the railing and seeing how many of them throw themselves at you. To catch you, not to push you off.
But none of us had the guts to do that, because PE teachers are fierce people and many of them are not what you would like to see barreling at you (it's like the Ruggers-- if I saw any of them charging at me on the playing field I'd just surrender the damn ball and hide in some corner). So when Deenie and I went to the toilet, we kept a respectable distance from the railing, and the PE teachers didn't watch us too much.
However in the toilet we were talking about how stupid it was to have suicide watch-- if you really wanted to do away with yourself there are much easier ways to do it than trying to fight off burly PE teachers to hurl yourself off the railing; for example, you could always go to the toilet to slit your wrists. And we realised how strange it was to be talking about slitting your wrists in the toilet WHILE being in the toilet, and also that our CT Mrs Ellingsen had also slithered out of the classroom just behind us, and that if we were overheard talking about wrist slitting she'd probably barge into the toilet and kill us.
Somehow that was hilarious and we laughed all the way back to the classroom.
After that, we were dismissed and everyone was chuckling a little at the Suicide Squad still patrolling. In fact Yuhui was so excited when we told him that they were on every floor that he quickly veered right over to the railing and peered over to see if it was true. And that nearly gave the RA Dean, poor guy, a heart attack! He thought they'd had a jumper and rushed over to the railing to peer up at Yuhui and to attempt to counsel him if he made any sudden moves. Poor guy looked so worried haha, luckily we quickly pulled back Yuhui from the edge before we gave him a heart attack.
Sigh haha it's pretty noble of them though. And pretty smart of the school to think of having a Suicide Squad on call. Aww.
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10:37 PM
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Put it on the card
Everyone is upset/pissed off at me for some reason or another, but ugh I don't want to think about it yet. In fact I will go shopping and hopefully forget about past events. Maybe I will buy a new cuddly soft toy. I saw a baby grabbing a floppy rabbit and I WANTED it. Or maybe I will buy a couple of books. Cookery, maybe-- even though I am as far removed from the domestic goddess as you can get, looking at pictures of food has a calming effect. And because I don't want to think about it, whatever I end up buying, I will CARD IT with a vengeance, and hopefully experience a little rush of euphoria when I tell them to put it on this card. Thankfully I have some scholarship funds left over to fund this mental health exercise. At least i think it's a legit reason; I'm sure no one wants their scholars to go nuts. Oh boy, thinking about all this is almost as good as doing it. If only envisioning things always worked out with as much accuracy or precision.
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1:51 PM
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Monday, October 24, 2011
Results day today, and I was rather pleasantly surprised by my results, but that was about the only good thing about today.
Everyone is pissed off at someone else and I am terrified because I just want to lead a peaceful life and avoid all conflict, even in my vicinity. And everyone who is pissed off is my friend and I don't want them to be pissed, but I really don't know what to say to make things better.
Not that anything I say will help.
--
There are secrets within secrets, and all the ethical theories that I have studied and argued so viciously for are of no help when applied.
Screw you, deontology, you do not tell me what happens when my duties conflict- do I tell the truth or keep a secret?
Does it even really matter as long as I, in the words of the Catholic Pope, "prayerfully consider it"? Not that I'm Catholic, or even prayerfully considered something, but does it matter if I did what I thought was right then?
It is hard managing life. All the things and tiny insecurities that I have been shoving away in a box labelled "Open only after Promos" have suddenly started spilling out, and I have no fluffing idea what I should do with them. Right now, all I really want to do is build a pillow fort and curl up inside with my stuffed panda and hope that all the conflict in the world just passes my padded castle by.
Oh, grow up, Vic.
Despite all the growing up I've been trying to cram into this year, I think I still lack courage to face a lot of things head on, and tend to choose the easy way out by hiding and hoping it'll somehow go away. Must break that bad habit, but right now I think what I really need is a mental health day.
I just hope life doesn't turn out too badly. :/
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8:25 PM
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Shit I think promos have made me very emotional.
I saw a little bear keychain hugging a heart and when I turned it over it said "GOOD LUCK" and I nearly burst into tears. Aww.
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12:12 AM
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Sunday, October 23, 2011
There is a little boy who follows me around during Archery training sessions on Sundays to tell me all about his insights on the world, mainly because he is in GEP and I am an ex-GEPper and there is this intrinsic awe that people who have been through what you are currently experiencing hold for you.
In some ways he reminds me a lot of myself when I was a little kid, although I'd like to think I swore less. Not that we were pure innocent kiddies la; Rosyth GEP had mouths like sewers. And to some extent, we were even proud of it, because at age 11, saying the f-word silently behind your teacher's back is, like, THE MOST REBELLIOUS THING EVER.
But I digress.
The little boy is currently going through the sewer mouth stage, and that I can understand, because hey, who didn't feel the thrill of saying the f-word once? However, since he's entering RI next year, I decided to be a good senior and give him some worldly advice to make his life in RI a little sweeter: I told him to go to KOI and order Ovaltine Macchiato, which is a secret item not on the menu but really good anyway.
Hey. Don't judge. These little things are the things that will help you survive life.
He pondered my advice for awhile, and then said: "Okay, well, just to be friendly, I'll share some advice with you too." And then he proceeded to list the proper equips that a ninja in Call of Duty 4 should have, along with a sometimes superfluous explanation of why you should have a particular equip (think "you should have a silencer on your gun. Because then when you kill people it's silent. And then they can't hear you.")
That would have been very useful, and I think he really thought it was a reasonable trade-off for the Ovaltine Macchiato tip, because these hardcore gamers usually guard their secrets jealously. Except that I don't play CoD4, and I didn't know how to let him down gently, so I just stood there and nodded while he listed more and more characteristics of a good ninja.
Please, guys who read my blog, educate me: what is the proper response when one is trapped in a conversation about games you don't play? O_O
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10:43 PM
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Saturday, October 22, 2011
I finally have a life now-- went out for dinner with Yiwye/Tomo/James on Thursday, and walked the whole length of Orchard Road. Reminds me of how Crystal and I used to walk after Math papers and bitch about how hard the paper was. I foresee we will have to make another trip after Promos. :/
Then on Friday, went to the ArtScience Museum for a class Learning Journey to see the Dali exhibit. I kind of miss the days in Art wandering through art galleries. Dali is a genius but also kind of nuts in my opinion. Still if you have to be nuts to create such beautiful things, I really wouldn't mind being nuts.
Singaporean art displays are so clean compared to the ones in UK. When we went to the Tate, the first exhibition gallery I saw was basically a bingo sheet of words like "phallus", "phallus", "phallus", "sexuality", "phallus", "phallus", "phallus" ad infinitum. Either artists are very disturbed creatures with a lot of unresolved sexual issues, or the critics who write the interpretations at the side of artworks are very disturbed themselves.
Anyway, if there is a sexual artist, it is probably Dali, but there was very little mention to any of it in the exhibition, except a brief write up on the symbolism of recurring motifs in his work. And even then they focussed more on melted clocks, crutches, and other PG stuff, mentioning only the sexuality implicit in the ants in a single line. Not that I know why ants represent sexuality. To me, ants are annoying things that troop across your worksheets and into your sweet drinks, and are hardly sexual and all. Unless you envision killing your significant other, which is really just kind of sad.
After that, we walked from the ArtScience Museum to Marina Bay Sands, before deciding that we were too poor to afford anything there, and then we walked the length of the Double Helix Bridge to Esplanade. There are potholes or something on the ground with letters that say A, T, G, C, and they are even appropriately base paired! But the nerdlings in our class (and I say nerdlings with a whole lot of affection; they are adorable) were not impressed and were like, "If you're going to put ATGC there, might as well do it properly with the nitrogenous bases and all."
From the Esplanade we walked through the link mall, and then finally to Raffles City for food. And then I had to go back for Archery, so I walked even more. FML my legs are still aching.
And oh oh oh I am so proud of myself I did 40 push ups today :D Wooo, I am becoming a jock.
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6:52 PM
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Wednesday, October 19, 2011
FINALLY, after much deliberation via Whatsapp and many failed multiparty talks, the three of us (Me, Tomo, James) managed to clobber together a Koi outing.
Which, in some respects, kind of failed because I didn't end up treating them, so I still owe the both of them Koi due to some badly placed bets, sigh. Eeks I just remembered I still have bets that I have yet to pay off on CT results.
In any case Tomo and I went to get bubble tea after school, and it was still uncertain as to whether James would be joining us after his PW dry run, so we decided to get Each a Cup instead of Koi in case it'd hurt his feelings that we drank Koi without him.
Then James' PW ended, and Tomo had to leave in about 10 minutes, but he ran over anyway and downed a cup of Koi in 5 minutes and we all sent Tomo off to the MRT station after a very long outing of about, uh, 5 minutes.
Anyway I demand Koi tomorrow, because I have long wanted to try the fabled Ovaltine Macchiato. Hmph. Shall get it somehow.
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10:43 PM
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Monday, October 17, 2011
I have not blogged for almost a week! I would be proud of my self-restraint, but truth be told I have been pretty busy with other stuff, and a certain ennui has set in such that I can't be bothered to blog.
But sigh, I guess recent events deserve at least an explanation or an acknowledgement on my blog so that I can save some explanation in real life, because as you will see, I have not exactly been the best conversationalist lately.
So for those who haven't already realised, I've been pretty sick lately. An old illness-- ulcers-- which I thought I grew out of (but apparently not) recurred, and although it's not on the scale of previous attacks it is still sufficient to cause problems in whatever I do with my mouth, which includes eating, drinking, speaking, and would include making out if I were attached, but thankfully I am not, so that is one less thing affected. The benefits of being forever alone manifest themselves in odd ways.
In any case, I can speak, but only very slowly and in a manner that has been described by most who hear me as "mumbled", or "muffled", so do bear with me if I have to speak to you. In fact if I do speak to you please try to listen best as you can haha, because speaking is a chore now. It's even more torturous because I talk a lot normally, and instead of being able to join in a conversation all I can do now is sit there and smile.
So if I do not respond adequately, please forgive me because I'm not trying to dao you on purpose, but simply am, uh, constrained by situations. Also pardon me if I eat slowly, or if I can't do enough push ups, because apparently your body digests muscle mass when it is lacking in nutrients.
--
Bah I need to stop reading all those teary "SHARE IF YOU LOVE YOUR PARENTS!!!1111" stories with an emo picture of old people in dim lighting that are abound nowadays on Facebook.
For some reason everyone is sharing random pictures that are reminiscent of the days where chain mails with such pictures and rainbow-coloured Comic Sans fonts dominated the world, and everyone would look at it, go "Haha, that's cute," and then proceed to forward it to everyone in their contact list. It seems that this trend has seen a revival, except instead of arriving in your mailbox and giving you an illusion for a split second that you might actually be needed for something important (yes, I do get excited about receiving things in the mail until I realise it's just an advertisement from Singtel or some property agent) it appears on your newsfeed and clogs it up.
--
I am tired and want to sleep, but I should probably say something about Bio O prac day before I crash for the night!
Friday we had intensive Bio O prac, starting off with plant sectioning, or the art of slicing vegetables really thinly. Since I am hardly a domestic goddess-- and hate veggies-- I sat next to the real domestic goddess Yuhui in order to kope some of his veggies if mine turned out too mutilated.
Amazingly it didn't turn out too poorly, although I got judged by Mdm Cross for inching the razor blade through the stalk too slowly. But then again what's new haha I always get judged by people :P The razor blade was scary stuff though, it looked like those old blades that manly men with huge bulging muscles always use to shave. Wendy and Yuhui started a discussion about what razors they use. Apparently neither of them was manly enough to use the bare blades that we were using, haha. After Mr Chan's horror stories about the senior batch who all grasped the sharp ends and ended up bleeding out over the veggies, I started to panic because if there is a highly clumsy person it is me, and I'd probably slice off my hand and get sent to A&E shamefacedly-- Wendy didn't help either; while Mr Chan was demonstrating how to hold the veggie between your forefinger and thumb such that the razor blade would slide along your forefinger and stop when it reached your thumb, Wendy happily said to himself:
"Huh? Why would it stop? Just slice off your thumb la! -ssshk, sppshhh-"
The last two words were supposed to be onomatopoeia of a razor blade cutting through flesh and bone, and then blood spurting out. Yes I have very cheerful classmates.
But again, it didn't go too badly, and I managed to slice reasonably thin slices of veggies WITHOUT taking my thumb off with it. Yay me! -clap clap- Obviously I am well on the way to becoming a virtuous wife/loving mother/etc etc.
Gram staining was COOOOOLLLLL I had pink E. Coli bacteria that actually looked like, um, pink rice, rather than anything scary.
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9:49 PM
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Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Today, a guy asked me if I wanted syphilis for Christmas.
Okay that is pretty weird. I should start from the beginning:
Today, giant microbes descended upon OpenLab. For the uninitiated, they are cuddly stuffed toys shaped like micro-organisms-- viruses, protists, bacteria; as well as red blood cells and sperm cells, so not just microbes :D
Amongst the more adorable ones are the sperm and the egg, which come with blue and pink ribbons respectively, as well as a blue tardigrade (water bears!! So adorable and practically indestructible). HIV was disappointingly boring; black and icosahedral and virtually indistinguishable from Common Cold, except in terms of colour (Common Cold is bright blue, for some reason).
So yeah, my classmate asked me if I wanted Syphilis for Christmas, because Syphilis is spiral and resembles a spring of sorts, and more importantly, is pink and fluffy. Sigh I have such a terrible reputation for liking pink stuff now.
That makes a lot more sense now.
--
Anyway today I was carrying my bag, file, and jacket while rushing to Chinese, and I discovered that I had only one hand to take my tray of food to dump it in the plate return bin. I was trying to figure out the best way to get to the bin without spilling half a bowl of noodles on anyone (including myself) when my friend swept over and just took it out of my hands, with a "Let me take that for you."
Nice guys do exist in this world :') There is hope yet!
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Deenie is horribly mean to me ): We were discussing prom dress shopping, and when I said I'd already gotten a possible dress (and thus probably wouldn't buy one with her) she was all "Like you got a date meh!"
Forever alone T^T
But it's ok to make up for my forever alone-ness I shall arrive in style- I'll charter a helicopter to land on the roof of the hotel or something, while Deenie will take a BUS HAHAHA.
Okay that is pretty weird, and that IS the entire story ._.
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4:34 PM
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Coffee
Saturday, October 08, 2011
I was forcefully dragged out of bed to go for breakfast at the ungodly hour of 7am (WHO WAKES UP AT THIS TIME ON HOLIDAY) and as a result, was about as zombified as can be. But being sleepy in the land of potent coffee is just dumb, so I finally succumbed and brewed myself a cup of coffee! Achievement unlocked! I have always been drinking pre-brewed coffee from Starbucks, or stealing pre-brewed coffee from James, so making coffee for the first time was, uh, an interesting experience. Being such a domestic goddess I obviously brewed the coffee from instant powder. I think if I were to actually try grinding the beans I'd never get coffee ever haha. Added half a packet of coffee to half a cup of water, added a whole packet of sugar and two spoons of yoghurt (I couldn't find milk -.-) It was actually nawbad!! And I'm more awake now hooray.
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10:58 AM
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Our lives on holiday
Friday, October 07, 2011
First extended family holiday ever! I am flying off to Vietnam to spend a whopping 4 days in the company of mum and assorted aunts, and so far all we've done is arrive at the airport at 730 to walk around (even though our flight is at, like, 10) and wait for everyone to go to the toilet in dribs and drabs. Oh and the shopaholic aunts have already started shopping at the Duty Free. I, with a terrible reputation for being a hardcore shopper, am mean and stingy compared to them. I brought exciting stuff to do on the trip though- a stack of Indian and International Biology Olympiad MCQs! So at least I won't feel like such a useless slacker and I won't end up stoning in the hotel room from 8pm. Anyway being in the airport makes me happyyyyy cos it reminds me of Cambridge days and also hanging around here waiting for papa to come home and let me ride around on his luggage trolley as a tiny kid. Heh.
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8:58 AM
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Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Ugh somehow even after watching John Tucker Must Die and having my brains liquefied in the process (nehh still not as good as Mean Girls though) I have found myself awash in melancholy. ):
Bleh I hope I get well soon. It is not very fun being sick.
This is the best time to go play the piano because I will finally be able to feel the piece (i.e. be emo) Perhaps I will put the copious amounts of free time I have this holiday towards finally mastering A Winter Wind. Ugh I have been sitting on that piece for AGES.
And again I have been seized with existential angst- who or WHAT is the real Vic supposed to be like? Ahhh inauthenticity. :/ I am kinda glad I didn't buy Thus Spoke Zarathustra this month. But ahh then it would be seem as pretentious or something. Sigh perhaps this is just another shallow moment of self-doubt or an old wound? Fret fret fret fret fret.
Sigh I wish life were so much less complex and that I could just spend my days talking to people and making them laugh and laughing myself.
MUST GET WELL BEFORE FRIDAY.
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6:30 PM
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Today, Deenie and I wore our contacts together in a bid to look pretty but it failed epicly, because Deenie felt self-conscious without her hot pink specs, and because I couldn't see like anything past 5m clearly.
I had to squint halfway across the canteen to see who Tomo was pointing out, and Shengyi chided me for being indiscreet ):
On the bus, I grabbed some random guy's shoulder because I thought it was the back of a seat -_- I quickly scuttled all the way to the back while apologizing furiously.
Then I spent violin lesson with my furrowed brow about 5cm from the score or all the notes would look the same.
):
Vic has learnt a valuable lesson about vanity. ):
HAHA, ALLITERATION.
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5:06 PM
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Monday, October 03, 2011
The combined influence of Whatsapp and Chem mugging has totally screwed up my photo library- witness a screenie taken on Sunday afternoon:
From left to right, top to bottom, we have Chem, Chem, Chem, Chem, Chem, Chem, convo panicking about Chem, red eye due to too much Chem, Chem, Chem, Chem, Chem hints, keropok and friend's lunch, Yuhui's present, Chem.
I finally set about clearing all the things from my phone and sorting them out into categories in my iPhoto, and I had about 30 photos of Chem questions and whatnot.
Sigh haha at least it's over! :D Post-promos life (if you can call it a life) begins, like NOW.
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10:23 PM
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Saturday, October 01, 2011
Ugh it's been one year since I last had an attack this bad, but it looks like they're not gone after all.
Sigh it's okay, I've survived more than this before and I WILL survive this again- the night is darkest just before the dawn and I really need to remember this. One more paper to go, and then I can really concentrate on getting well.
On a sidenote, MSG is like the most awesome thing ever. I don't care if it's unhealthy, all I know is that it's MAKING ME EAT and that in itself is like, a teeny miracle. Finished an entire cup of cup noodles for dinner. Feel unbelievably full and satiated and so proud of myself.
K I can do this. C'mon Chem, let's go! In 2 years time I will be, uh, wherever I want to be, and there will be ample time for happiness and joy and pink fluffy unicorns (haha) then.
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7:11 PM
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